I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
