walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
