Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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