I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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