Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
