thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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