her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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