Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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