I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
