before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
