Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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