btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
