you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
