I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
