So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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