I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
