You're completely useless in the revolution.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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