you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
