Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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