She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
