I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize