We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
