I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
