dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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