his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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