if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
