All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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