is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
