so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
