Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
