I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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