You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize