and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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