how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
