saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
