I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I party with great urgency now.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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