new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
