This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
