I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
