I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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