is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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