girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
