As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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