My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
