I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
