remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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