chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
