The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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