Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
