3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
