Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
