get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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