I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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