I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
