I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
