My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
