Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My life is pants optional.
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