maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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