My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
