Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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