did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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