I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
