no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
