you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
