just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
