Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
