she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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